II – Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often
I am king, hear me speak roar.
Quack?
We are only all too human. Verbal communication is the very basic of social interaction, but with the myriad of languages and cultures in the world, miscommunication may result from misinterpretation.
That’s the boring stuff. Moving on.
You’ve been suckered guys.
Words can be used to manipulate the thoughts of the person or just to deceive. Think sales people. I quote a friend, “When you’re purchasing cologne and you ask the salesperson what they think of the cologne on you, they’ll definitely say something like – oh you smell really sexy in it. That’ll boost your self-esteem and make you think hmm, she’s right, I think I should get this bottle.”
If a message supports current beliefes, attitudes, and values, we tend to find it compelling. If it enhances our sense of self-worth, we may accept it without question. Yet it is in exactly these situations that we should be wary. (Thinking Through Communication 5th Edition – Sarah Trenholm; page 57)
It’s not all gloom and doom with words though. What better way to express emotions but through words?
The famous scene in Love Actually.
Sometimes I find myself looking at your pictures over and over again. Sometimes I enjoy the feeling of missing you because then I know that I’m not a freak of nature. Sometimes I try to memorize the look on your face, the feel of your hands, the taste of your lips because I know the night is over too quickly and I will wake up without you. Sometimes I go to sleep looking at your texts, just so the night feels safer.
But sometimes it feels like there’s a huge weight sitting on the middle of my chest. Sometimes I fight the urge to buy a plane ticket with my savings and just leave everyone and everything behind, no explanations and no forwarding address. Sometimes I walk by the places where we used to sit and wonder where you’re sitting these days. Sometimes I repeat the saying “Action is the enemy of thought” in my head to keep me going, one foot in front of the other. Sometimes, some days, all I want to do is cry.
How are you interpreting this?
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with deeper meaning.
Maya Angelou
Well in other words, watch your words.
This will bring us to the other point of SELECTION. People choose what they want to hear or read and they’re already making judgements.
You’ll go crazy.
There’s too much information going around in the environment for us to take in everything and process it at the same time. Our brain (wonderful thing), sorts out what should be processed based on specific criterias (consciously or sub-consciously). Ranging from frequency, contrast, intensity, novelty to beliefs, preferences, motives, priorities, culture.
Too much info – Brain burn.
In other words, we perceive what we want to take in, limiting our views on things. (omission *failure to select critical info, distortion *failure to prioritise important info or to select wrong info, oversimplification *selected salient info, failing to select significant info. yawn.)
What do you think? Do words lose their colour if used too often? Does clichés change your perception of words said or written? Are people coming to a conclusion too quickly?
You might want to refer to Mehrabian’s mode of communication
Samuel
September 19, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Nowadays, advertisements (or the verbal deceit from sales personnel wanting a run on your money) serve to incite, induce but not inform.
Talk is cheap, I agree.
However, the ever optimistic author believes that there are self correcting mechanisms in place. This phenomenon might not be as bad – after all, we live by the mantra “Once bitten twice shy”. Perhaps, the self correcting mechanism would result similar to the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf.
Sales personnel seeking to misle would not survive in a world where consumers are King, and service always subservient.
edd
September 19, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Communication itself has different modes; through words, pictures, signs etc. Although verbal expressions are effective in conveying of messages, pictures too, are expressive. “A picture speaks a thousand words”; emotions can be expressed, actions can be seen. Pictures are not like words, they require some deciphering as they are not direct. However, from a simple picture, one might be able to understand more than what it seems like. This is how photographers and artists, convey their messages.
Henry
September 19, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Pictures like words can be interpreted differently. There is no one more effective way to be conveying messages.
Aloysius
September 20, 2009 at 10:48 am
Jacques Derrida – DECONSTRUCTIONISM FTW
Daniel
September 19, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Ok, you touched on several issues here but i’ll just zero in on the selection process. People see what they want to see especially especially if the situation could put them in a better or vulnerable position. Hence, they omit the bad and leave the good, or vice versa. This is the crux of why some people are naive.
jun Leong
September 19, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Hey, it’s a great idea to provide questions at the end of your post, prompting others to comment. I agree with Maya Angelou. It’s how a person says something, that gives it all the possible different meanings. Therefore I don’t think words lose their colour when used too often. It’s the person who says it who can make the difference.
ckoh90
September 19, 2009 at 10:31 pm
You brought another interesting point where people select what they want to hear/read and from WHOM they want to hear/read the message. Thanks for the input!
Aloysius
September 20, 2009 at 10:52 am
Words aren’t always as apparent as they seem. Even within words, lie subtleties in its true meaning. Having said that, things are mostly perceived in the context they are in, or rather, how they are tweaked to be. In this sense, regardless of actions, pictures, or words, people are constantly justifying what has been said and done. The reliability of communication, is in light of such situation, drastically affected.
Just my two cents.
QS
September 20, 2009 at 1:34 am
I agree that verbal communication is the most common form of communication since humans invented language. But, let’s not forget that early men used non-verbal communication (mainly in the form of pictures and body language) to convey their thoughts, ideas and emotions. Let’s talk about body language in the context of expressing emotions. Don’t you think that a hug conveys so much more compared to the two paragraphs worth of words that the guy said to the girl in love actually? Sometimes, body language and pictures can be more impactful than speech alone. Verbal communication can be easily done over the phone. it will not carry as much value as face to face communication where the other party can clearly see the body language you are portraying at that point in time. I’m not saying that speech is less important than body language. Both serve to strengthen each other. It’s just like text on a newspaper requires a picture to enforce its importance and more clearly convey the message to the reader.
Leslie
September 20, 2009 at 1:45 am
Awesome stuff. Thanks dude.
Aloysius
September 27, 2009 at 4:06 pm
i agree very much about the sales person incident. sometimes in my line of work, i do have to persuade customers to change their focus in order to meet certain requirements of mine. however i would like to stress that persuasion of this type should always be practised with a conscience. i only do this when i feel that if the customer were to choose another option, i will be able to present him with a better final product.
words are like double-edged sword.if used peoperly, it can help you get your point AND emotions across. however, if used the wrong way, the receiving party may feel offended, even disgusted.
clown
September 20, 2009 at 1:03 pm
hey i believe that its words that actually conveys a message rather than actions. Take love for example. The special three words has to be said to someone. Though some may argue that actions may show a sign of affection but words gives a sense of satisfaction that what you actually assumed is true.
Aakansha
September 20, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Exactly. Why people use nonverbal is because they fear being vulnerable. They fear that they are giving another person power over them, hence I believe verbal can sometimes mean more.
Aloysius
September 27, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Words coupled with action is a good thing, but yet people misinterpret situations based on what is said!
Sensitive topics usually include the poor associations made with actions of a black sheep with the rest of the herd. We already have an in-built set of SCRIPTS ready for ‘marking against’ when we form judgements or knowledge of anything. We expect our scripts to be followed, but yet, when it is not followed there is disagreement (usually a mental one). We usually want to hear what we want to hear.
So yes, you probably will dislike me instead of believing me when I say that the perfume does not suit you! HAHA!
peace out
Audrey J Low
September 20, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Yes i also think the tone plays an important part in the receiver’s interpretation of the message. Your last paragraph makes me realise that there are so many ways our messages can go all so wrongly to the reciever. Looks like communication is never an easy process.
As for the Love Actually extract that you showed, I assume that it is said by a man who has lost his previous love and is now missing her deeply? Well I’m not too sure. I’ve not watched the movie.
kelly0831
September 22, 2009 at 12:56 pm
You should! He kept his feelings from her even till she got married to his friend. Painfully beautiful isn’t it?
Aloysius
October 24, 2009 at 5:35 pm
I like to look at verbal and nonverbal communication such that: Verbal is more about the information (the stuff that is to the point) but its the Nonverbal that gives the emotive layer – the hand gestures, the body language, the way the receiver reads the person’s face, etc.
I love that scene in Love Actually by the way!
It’s a good example of ways a message can be put across without the vocal/verbal part AND it’s a good movie!
Nina Reyes
September 23, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Yeah, words will be words but it’s the nonverbal cues which add flavour to the words spelt.
Aloysius
October 24, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Poeple like to name today’s era as the information age, where information come as easy as a click of the mouse. It is due to this barrage of information where we would have to make quick conclusive stands so as to move on to digest other information.
As Malcom Gladwell states in his book “Blink”, we tend make wrong conclusions as we digest and analyse more information. We should ‘thin-slice’ information so as to be able to understand information the correct way it should be. Hence, the less information, the better …
Shawn
September 23, 2009 at 4:24 pm
The digital age has definitely made us think about this a lot about this. Can our judgement really be trustworthy anymore? and can words be treated as equal with non-verbal cues?
I would agree with you, nowadays everything can easily be fabricated, even peoples actions can be modified. In schools, students are learning how to act during an interview. transcripts are being modified so as to get a job. hence we can’t just rely on non-verbal cues or verbal cues, but learn how to analyse both and make use of the information gathered.
shawnn
September 27, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Mhm. We should use whatever’s available to get the “correct” picture.
Aloysius
October 24, 2009 at 5:39 pm
eh I think nonverbal is a very important aspect that cannot be overlooked. While it is true that words play a huge role, nonverbal communication displays a large portion of one’s emotions.
I cannot remember clearly, but I think there was something being (said elsewhere) that body language plays the biggest role in conversations.
chervinlam
September 30, 2009 at 7:24 pm
It is hard to determine whether action speaks louder than words or vice-versa. In our everyday lives, we will face different kind of situations which require different managing methods. Yes, I may have believed that action speaks louder than words intially. However, the scene in ‘Love Actually’ was a really a good representation on how words can ‘louder’ than action. Hmm, I guess it also requires the blending in of non-verbal communication such as eye contact etc to achieve the desirable outcome.
Randy
September 30, 2009 at 7:31 pm
There are times where action seems more capable of conveying the message and vice-versa. However, I believe that a message can be conveyed most effectively when words is coupled together with actions.
Ying Jie
November 1, 2009 at 11:28 pm
I totally agree with your post title. In all honesty, I think language is the essence of the human race. Communication that we know of today is primarily based on words, it’s how we understand each other. Body language passes off a myriad of signals, how often do we actually capture the essence of it? Words are straight to the point, it’s either you mean something or you don’t. (of course there are the puns and sarcasms, but more often than not there isn’t much misunderstanding, don’t you think?).
Classics are captured through words, I don’t think you need actions for it to mean anything less or differently, ey? (:
liz
November 8, 2009 at 10:48 pm