III –
Even heroes have the right to bleed.
What do you interpret from this?
Guess.
Try.
Give up?
Keep staring. You’ll feel something.
Beautiful isn’t it?
That was easy. If you’ve got Love/Sweet/ Beautiful, you’ve just got influenced by me. (: Now how about I tell you that ‘girl’ is actually a dude? Not so sweet and beautiful anymore amIright?
See how words can just easily warp your perception?
Some of you have brought up that nonverbal cues are statistically proven that they play a bigger part during communications. I’ll have to disagree (though the statistics.). When there is no context, anything nonverbal can be interpreted as something else.
Don’t worry emo boy. She loves you. With all those tell tale signs, you definitely got something there. Really.
There’s another thing about nonverbal communication, it being natural and hard to control, it’s very dependent on the receiver and how they interpret it. There is NO absolute certainty when interpreting verbal or the much more difficult nonverbal cues. Both are equally as important during communication. They are both part of a whole.
I know, I know, what about the avatars, personal biases. Let’s leave that for another day shall we?
Still following?
Let’s talk about first impressions. What do you look out for when you first meet a person?
Would it be their voice? Imagine Megan Fox with George Clooney’s voice, or Brad Pitt with Tyra Bank’s voice – you get the idea.
Or would it be their physique? In all honesty, unless you’ve got the biggest sonofa ____, this shouldn’t be one of your criteria for attraction.
Appearance? This could easily be changed with a little bit of makeup or some surgery if he was really THAT unkind to you. False appearances – how would you judge then?
Their walk? Personally, I hate male prancers (I’m a dude.).
Their smile. Ah, my personal favourite.
The eyes? Windows to the soul.
Hair. Nothing kinky boys.
Or just their ‘aura’? In local language, their “seh”. (:
How would you judge then? Just because that person is lacking in one of those areas, you could already decide like – “Oh, he’s definitely not my type. I wouldn’t talk to him.” On what basis are you judging people? Your personal avatars? A little too quick to judge don’t you think? Even so, first impressions should not be the only impression.
Alright, I’ve been undervaluing nonverbal communication.
Not all things have to be said outright, and words can only mean so much. It’s the nonverbal part which helps amplify or convey the true meaning of words.
An idiot can tell that they were both uncomfortable at the beginning (that’s nonverbal communication at work, and some good acting – communicating to YOU!). They both warmed up to each other gradually through smiles and glances (again, nonverbal communication!). These nonverbal codes are useful for giving us information about personal and relational topics we would be embarrassed to talk about, or we find difficulty to describe verbally. Nonverbal communication is nonlinguistic and often contains representative behavior.
How often have people told you nonverbally what they will not tell you with words, and you have ignored those silent messages?
That the best is to be left unsaid
Shawn
September 26, 2009 at 11:29 am
“it’s very dependent on the receiver and how they interpret it.”
I definitely agree with this, humans are social creatures by default and social environments shape our thought and actions. So a same circumstance to different receivers will definitely result in different meanings.
With regards to non-verbal codes, i think too much is based upon our individual bias and somethings its hard to judge if these “codes” were even present in the first place.
Aloysius Chua
September 26, 2009 at 10:39 pm
Exactly! It’s so difficult to interpret non-verbal cues sometimes; especially with the myriad of cultures, messages are so often misconstrued.
Aloysius
October 24, 2009 at 5:41 pm
For me, non-verbal cues are a hard thing to be interpreted correctly, except if you really know the thoughts of the person quite well. It is indeed need an understanding towards the encoder and the decoder. But for me, non-verbal cues indeed play a crucial role in my life..
For some points above, I am agree with the point that first impression is so IMPORTANT. But I do not close my thoughts to see things beyond it or even deeper. For me, first impression can change as long as it is need to be changed.
Since lately I am not surrounded by the same culture environment with my hometown, there were times where I did not able to catch the non-verbal cues people around me tried to make. So I think, we need to OPEN our EYES bigger to see better and clearer about non-verbal cues.
Cheers!
s.gunawan
September 26, 2009 at 10:42 pm
IMO, body language (non-verbal cues) often tells the story clearly more than anything else. Much of the time, a person’s true emotions, intentions or disposition is reflected unwillingly/unwittingly through non-verbal cues such as facial expression, proximity of distance, pose, tone of voice, etc. This happens so naturally that sometimes it can betray one’s own words (unless you have a poker face).
Daniel
September 26, 2009 at 11:20 pm
every person’s body language do vary to some extent, thus it is really difficult to interpret them correctly if you are not familiar with a person (i.e. salesperson or client).
there are some common standards across everyone, even of different cultures, but even those may vary in terms of their degree of severity.
Samuel
September 26, 2009 at 11:30 pm
life is all about first impressions isnt it? there is simply not enough time to know everybody well enough before making our opinions on them. consider the example of the fat person sitting beside you on the bus, the lecturer who bores you to sleep or the nervous individual applying for a job during a interview. because we probably wont be sitting down with these people for coffee any time soon, our instincts help us create a clearer picture of them by noticing their non verbal cues. hence, this enables us to make judgments quickly, satisfying our curiosity as well – regardless of how far it is from the truth.
jun Leong
September 27, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Just because you “don’t have enough time”, you just base your opinions of the person superficially. First impressions should not be the last impression.
True, you might not be sitting down with these people for coffee anytime soon but who knows that bus ride with that person might form an impression of you to him too. And who knows by fate, that person might be your superior in the future and your whole perception have to change again no?
First impressions are overrated.
Aloysius
September 27, 2009 at 2:50 pm
First impressions might be overrated, but I must say they are indeed pretty lasting. Constant interaction is required between two people to change that first impression, whether for better or worse.
weixin
October 5, 2009 at 3:52 pm
honestly, if everyone thinks this way, it will lead to extremely high suicide rate. put yourself in the shoes of someone less attractive, just because of your outer appearance, people are unwilling to make friends with you, even though you may the best kind of friend that they can get. living a life without any friends is a real torture, and i can safely predict that many will turn towards the easier way out – death.
Benjamin Koh
October 1, 2009 at 9:07 am
First impressions does not only refer to physical appearances Ben – it could be your speech pattern, the way you walk, anything!
Aloysius
November 8, 2009 at 9:11 pm
i would be understanding that you are saying nonverbal cues should not play a larger part in communications and that first impression should not be the only/last impressions.
Definitely this would make me sound really superficial but most of the time, our first impressions would be right. There is something innate in humans that lets us gather information really fast and really correct in the first 10 seconds we meet a person. according to the tipping point, strangers tend to know more about your close friends than you do all of this due to this innate ability. but of course, all these are just statistics and i agree with you that sometimes, our judgement would be clouded only sometimes.
shawnn
September 27, 2009 at 4:25 pm
I believe that sometimes we could screw up that first 10 seconds because we KNOW we are being judged in that period, or for whatever reasons.
People focus too much on first impressions!
Aloysius
November 8, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Non-verbal cues are in a way important to a certain extent. From the way the person presents himself on the first meeting, you are more or less able to tell how she or he feels about the meeting. An example of this would be a job interview. If a person presents himself as sloppy and all, it goes to show that he or she is not really in need of that job. However we must not judge people based on first impressions as people’s opinions change over time. They may not be willing on the first meeting but subsequent meetings their mindset might have changed. Therefore first impressions and non verbal cues are important but must not be used to judge individuals.
chien
September 27, 2009 at 4:54 pm
First impressions are not merely hardwired reactions—we are also taught how to judge others, holding our thin slices up to the light of social stereotypes. We are all living under one another’s sociological lenses – constantly being ‘graded’ and assessed. The existence of social stratification and social stigma prove testiment to the fact that first impressions do indeed count – just simply ask yourself if you would pay more attention more to a suave presenter or a solemn and studious presenter.
Karen
September 27, 2009 at 6:33 pm
hey i feel that it is very important to know a person in order to judge them. Well i agree that non-verbal cues does help at times like people who do not iron their clothes are lazy and simply do not care about what other people think. However from personal experience, i can say that it is important to know an individual before coming to a conclusion. You may think they’re unapproachable but in fact they may just be shy and could even end up being your good friend.
Aakansha
September 29, 2009 at 8:32 pm
you owe me coffee.
hmm. i really think it depends on the time frame we are given.
read through the comments and i must agree w leong.
one’s personal bias and judgment is accumulated from past experiences and they do help us make quick decisions in life. these past experiences would definitely count for something if we are trying to process large amount of information (in this case, nonverbal communication) within a short period of time.
on the other hand, if we were given more time, there must be a certain level of self awareness that one tends to judge too early. and make sure your ‘first impressions should not be the only impression’.
Jamie
September 29, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Great job with your blog.
So what say is what you mean? What you act is what you are? We define an object for what it does or what is it? Do we define something before we know what is it? Do we focus on the whats or the hows or the whys more?
It all depends, we think therefore we are. How you think is what you are. But end of the day all you see is what you get, so observe more (both that can be seen or those that can be inferred), because only that we get more than what the others get. But be quick because what is there may not stay there, or rather the context doesn’t stay there always.
Just my few cents worth. Great job!
Jun Kwang
September 29, 2009 at 9:53 pm
After reading this post, I probably realised the reason why I don’t have a girlfriend in my life so far. Perhaps I shouldn’t judge a girl solely based on several factors and determine she’s not my cup of tea. Anyway, I think you have presented your idea well in this post and have successfully enlightened an ignorant guy like me here. Haha.
Randy
September 30, 2009 at 7:15 pm
nonverbal cues expresses emotions very much, so it’ll be kind of difficult not to detect one wouldn’t it? However, we may find ourselves victims of misinterpreting nonverbal cues. Perhaps, it happens more so between different genders in an interaction? Since most guys don’t understand women (or so they might say), guys may often find themselves irritating ladies than otherwise. maybe
chervinlam
September 30, 2009 at 7:19 pm
nice pictures.
no offense) admittedly, i do too.
non-verbal communication! sounds like a project that i worked on during my mastering communication module in school. and so gp material.
hmm.. yeah i agree that most people base their impressions of others on the non-verbal, especially physical appearance. (actually i think most guys do, don’t you agree?
of course we all know that the outward appearance doesn’t make up for everything. take for example, a person who has a pretty face but horrible personality and so on. People may take to the person’s looks initially, but we know time will tell.
On a side note, don’t you think that good-looking people sometimes have the upper hand? they’re treated better and sometimes even land jobs that other average-looking people would never be able to do, even if they wanted to.
Enough of the physical. Behaviour is another way people tend to judge others by.
A person who is smiling all the time may seem kind and approachable, but a person who is scowling may seem unfriendly. But maybe the next time we see someone like that, we could stop to think if it were possible that the person scowling away may just be feeling sick or tired at that moment.
just my own thoughts. could come up with more.. but i’m not in the essay mode
CA
September 30, 2009 at 7:54 pm
oh ya! i wanted to add.. i like to “judge” a person’s beauty based on their eyes! i think eyes are the nicest! and smile too! lol
CA
September 30, 2009 at 7:59 pm
For me, I normally like to observe nonverbal cues and I find it very important, thus I normally don’t ignore them when someone is sending them out.
For instance, if my friend is more secluded than normal, I will definitely attempt to see what’s wrong and a shrug of the shoulder will mean to just leave the person alone.
I really do believe that eyes say a lot but its really a combination of the types.
Nina Reyes
September 30, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Yes i think these days, people judge others too quickly. In this fast-paced generation where you want everything around you to be quick- instant reply via sms/ msn, even our perceptions are formed within 2 seconds. And because of that, we would need to guard our perceptions from misinterpretation. Verify and think again before you jump to the wrong conclusion.
P.S i like the point about how a simple statement made by others can also change your entire perception of the subject.
kelly0831
October 1, 2009 at 3:14 pm
nonverbal communication can be as obvious as idiosyncratic symbols used by particular group of people or as subtle as the darting of eyes away from a person’s gaze. it can even take place in the form of the clothes your wear when you go out! that is the way you will want to portray yourself to the society. first impression is so important in this fast paced reality as people do not have the luxury of time to get to know one another better through thought-invoking conversation. most of what they depend on to judge a person’s character will be what they can immediately derive just by look at him/her.
clown
October 3, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Hence, I urge everyone to SLOW DOWN, take the time to appreciate what is really going on around.
Aloysius
November 8, 2009 at 9:21 pm
HEY ALOYSIUS~
nice pictures you got there =)
First impressions are very important. It’s the “spark” that gets two individuals together.
DAWN!
October 4, 2009 at 6:31 pm
I agree with you that non-verbal communication is misinterpreted very often, especially among strangers. If you know a person well enough, you would probably be able to guess his mood by looking at his facial expression or body language. But that isn’t always true because some people are good at hiding their emotions. And misunderstandings still happen between close friends, some attributed to misinterpretation of non-verbal communication.
I agree that people are quick to judge on 1st impressions. It’s an inherent trait in all human beings. We can’t help it because we immediately judge a person’s character from our 1st conversation with him or just by looking at the clothes he wears. We can’t possibly get to know everybody we meet personally. If a person happened to be in a bad mood and speaks rudely to you when you ask him/her for a polite favour, would you think he/she is a selfish and incorrigible? Or would you try to understand his/her plight by thinking perhaps this person has had an absolutely awful day and that is the reasons for hi/her actions, and they aren’t a true representation of his/her character.
Good article.
Leslie
October 4, 2009 at 9:19 pm
As much as I agree with you that our first impression of someone shouldn’t be our last impression, and that non-verbal cues can be misinterpreted. But in reality, people tend to jump to conclusion and what they see is what they believe. Once the perception is set, it is hard to change it.
Ying Jie
November 1, 2009 at 11:14 pm
Question, Do you believe in love at first sight?
Don’t you think the more you get to know someone, the more likely your perception of the person would change? Sure, first impressions are always the lasting ones, but there’s always two sides of the coin and I’m pretty sure both sides aren’t always the same.
Really enjoyed this entry though, that I have to say. It’s thought inducing. Kudos (:
P.S. HSM FTW!
liz
November 8, 2009 at 11:03 pm